MEGA PYTHON VS. GATOROID

That’s “Gator-oid”, not “Gator-aid”, presumably because the gators here are fed steroids and not because they are replacing their electrolytes with a sports drink.

Who’da thunk it? Debbie Gibson AND Tiffany, two washed-up 80’s pop princesses, hired as actresses by the SYFY channel. AGAIN!

Apparently no one sprung for acting lessons for these ladies this time around either. Let’s put it this way: as actresses, they are, well, singers.

The best actor in the movie is, in fact, Micky Dolenz, and he’s not really acting – he’s playing himself. Too bad he doesn’t get to burst into “I’m A Believer”, but thankfully he doesn’t get to start in on that awful “Randy Scouse Git”, either. We take our blessings wherever we find them.

Didn’t recognize any song Debbie might have had in the movie, but Tiffany has the closing song, “Serpentine”, which I have to admit is not bad.

Debbie Gibson looks almost anorexic to me; one can see her upper rib cage fairly well. The thing is, I didn’t really want to see that. Tiffany, on the other hand, has filled out nicely. Director Mary Lambert, in the extras section, also looks like she might be ill. She appears to be just flesh barely covering a skeletal frame.

Oh, yeah, the movie: seen better, seen worse. Big snakes, big gators, blah, blah, blah. Actor A Martinez, a fixture in 70’s cop shows, looks like he might be wondering where the payroll line is. He spends most of his time in the movie looking irritated. Hey, Mr. Martinez, you should see how the rest of us on THIS side of the camera are looking; I’ll show ya irritated!

Both Debbie and Tiffany are listed as co-producers of this movie. Not only does this mean that they probably invested money in this project somewhere along the line, but it also answers the question, “How did these two ever get hired as ‘actresses’?”

Now where was I? Oh, yes, Tiffany’s hooters. They really enhance her performance here as the cinematographer constantly calls attention to them. Of course that was intentional, but why? Probably so that you would be less likely to notice that Tiffany can’t act. Her gazongas turn out to be more of a special effect than the snakes and gators.

Watch Tiffany’s knockers, listen to her song at the end but other than that you are on your own if you sit through this.